Emo Edward
by amor vincit omnia
Summary: Edwards life sucks and theres nothing he can do about it. Why? Because hes a misunderstood vampire.


Edward hated life.

Nobody understood him.

His family had known him for roughly ninety years and still didn't get him.

He was alone.

He probably would have suicided about eighty years ago if it weren't for the fact that he was a fucking vampire. His bloody granite skin could not be cut with anything – believe me, he tried. Razors, scissors, nail clippers, even a chainsaw. Nothing made a mark on his wrists. Sometimes, when he just wanted to feel better, he would just get some red lip liner and red food dye and _pretend_ he was dying.

He's considered going to the Volturri, but he knew they would just make it fast and painless, which is not he was looking for as a death. So, for the last ninety years, he pretended to be your average emo teenager.

You know the type.

Pale skin, sulky looks, dark shadows, horrible reaction to sunlight (sparkle, sparkle) and most of all, he hated every single freaking human he had ever met.

Some of them did smell nice, though.

One day, when he was incredible fed up with life (more so than usual), he appealed to his fellow vampires.

"Bite me Jasper, bite me!" He cried, shoving his wrist in Jasper's face. Jasper just looked at him blankly before walking off. He then went to his other brother, Emmett, who Edward never really liked. He had always been a bit too cheery for him.

"Emmett, I want to die!"

"Cheer up, emo kid. It's a brand new day!"

See what Edward meant about the cheeriness? He was too freaking happy.

"Emmett, kill me, just bite me Emmett!"

Emmett looked at him funny. "Ew. That's gross, dude."

"Emmett, I want to die."

"When was the last time you got laid?"

"My life sucks and I reall- hang on, what?"

"It always makes me feel better, especially when Rosali-"

"Ewwy!"

Edward then left as soon as possible and tried to remove his ears with a cheese grater, while Emmett laughed at him for being a virgin.

It was the fourth worst day of his life.

His first worst day of his life was the day he was born. He has been regretting that day for his entire life.

The second day was the day Carlisle changed him into a vampire – he had tried to convince Carlisle that he had licked an infected person and caught the Spanish influenza on purpose, because he wanted to die. He then shot himself in the head, because he may as well have done the job properly. Carlisle didn't believe him, but instead condemned him to a life of depression. Truth be told, Edward kind of freaked out when Carlisle bent down and started biting his neck. He seemed to enjoy it just a little too much. They were NOT groans of pain coming out of his mouth.

Carlisle may be hot, but he seriously wasn't into that type of thing.

The third worst day was when his spring crop of petunias were swept and ruined by a vicious wind. Not one flower survived. It didn't help that Alice had seen this coming for the last three weeks and, while helping Edward care for and nurture his flowers, was taking bets from the rest of the family as to how Edward would react.

And, just in case you were wondering, Emmett won the bet. Edward _did_ go onto eBay, buy a vintage guillotine and planned to use it on the garden centre staff. Unfortunately, such a thing was illegal in America and the postage and handling would have cost a fortune, anyway.

But anyway. Enough of that. Edward was still depressed and now he was getting pretty bored.

He did what he always did when he got bored – made good on Rosalie's advice and called someone who cared.

Unfortunately, they didn't seem to care that much at all. Well, that was the impression Edward got after the 25th call to Kid's Helpline.

Oh well. Edward pressed number one on his speed-dial anyway. A lady answered the call.

"Hello, welcome to Kid's Helpline, how may I help you?"

"Well," Edward started. "I'm feeling pre-"

"Oh my God, not you again!"

Edward could hear someone in the background, urging the lady to hang up the phone before Edward started talking.

"But I'm feeling depressed and alone and nobody seems to listen, you know, I just- hello?"

The phone beeped and the line cut out.

The only sound that reached Edward's ears were the giggles of Jasper and Alice as they stood outside his closed bedroom door, laughing and listening in.

"Shut the hell up, or I'll cut you both!" Edward yelled, curling up in the darkest corner in his room and hugging his stuffed giraffe named Demetrius to his chest.

"Demmy, no one seems to listen but you. You'll always be here for me, right?"

He shook the stuffed giraffe gently. Sadly, it was an old toy and the stitching fell apart, causing the head of the toy to roll across the floor, leaking stuffing. Edward let out a cry of anguish, splashing water on his face and pretending they were tears. He had stolen some blush from Alice, dabbing it around his eyes to make them look puffy, red and swollen.

Life sucked and he tried his best to make himself look the part.

The closest thing Edward ever had to a friend was a girl named Bella.

She had just moved to Forks and she seemed pretty suicidal herself. He remember meeting her in the girls toilets – he had locked himself in a stall and acted all PMS-y because it made him feel better about his abysmal life.

Bella was crying in the next stall. They introduced themselves and Edward finally felt a spark of hope, for the first time in his existence. He pulled her to him, hugging her warm body tightly and feeling that he was finally _alive._

He thought that maybe Bella was the thing that he was missing, the only person who truly understood him, that they could work their problems out together over long conversations and walks, possibly even fall in… love. Edward was sure she was the one for him, the perfect being to share the rest of his existence with. His life was finally full of meaning, finally worth something. From this moment on, life finally looked up and his problems seemed to be a part of the past, all because of this amazing person in his arms.

Edward pulled away from Bella to tell her this. He let go of her and her lifeless body crumpled to the ground.

He stared down at her once beautiful face. He had crushed every single bone in her body with his hug.

"Fuck you world," he muttered, splashing water from the bathroom sink onto his face and leaving the bathroom, ignoring the dead body on the ground. "Fuck you all."

When he went home that night, his entire family took one look at him and started laughing. Because they were vampires and didn't need to stop for breath, the laughter continued for 39 hours straight, then picked up again after a short break of three minutes. The sound followed Edward around the house. He would have left, but he didn't have anywhere to go.

He decided that once he had managed to kill himself, he would find a way to kill them all too. Wait – he would already be dead. Damn it. Another failed expectation.

He sat in his room for moment, staring at the walls, before standing up abruptly.

"Oh, screw this," he muttered. "I'm going to Jessica's house. As least there, I'm not the most pathetic person."

Sadly, Jessica was not home. It looks like she actually did have friends after all. That, or either she was just off whoring some other guy.

Why was life so cruel?


End file.
